just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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