I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
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