Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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