Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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