Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
