oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
