as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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