If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize