bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize