you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
