you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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