They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
