Where did you get a picture of my penis
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
