what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
