Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
