this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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