remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
