mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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