last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
