you guys were way drunker than both of me
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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