dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
