So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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