My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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