No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
