Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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