He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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