were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
