She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
