They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize