She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
