the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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