i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
