I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
