So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
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