never play flip cup with pint glasses
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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