I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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