I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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