New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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