this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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