Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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