I wannas sexs uuuuu
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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