Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
