Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
