all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
