im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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