Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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