'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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