erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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