she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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