Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
