im drinking this country out of the recession.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
