Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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