How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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