He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
