allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize