I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Let's get the cat blown out
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
