I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
