I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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