So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
