Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
