Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
