I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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