just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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