I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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