did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
