Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize