i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
