haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
