Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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