as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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