i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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