I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
