So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
