Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
