saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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